I briefly narrated how I accidentally stumbled upon a masterpiece of autobiography titled Becoming Myself in my now old essay on a Kubrick movie. I read the first chapters of the psychiatrist’s memoir from an e-book in 2022 – I suppose the most powerful one-third, as was suggested by the feedback given to Yalom himself in his literature group – and continued the remaining two-thirds slowly and gradually starting in 2025. I was satisfied with slow reading: I would grab the book in the evenings after a difficult day at work, read a chapter, and feel consoled.
I unfortunately cannot comment much on the magical first third of the book, as I have forgotten much of it. I suppose the later chapters would have been slightly more impactful if I had remembered the author’s childhood, his relationship with his parents, and his inner world. I now vaguely realize, however, that Yalom’s autobiography had perhaps influenced and softened my relationship with my own parents over time. I further recall, again with uncertainty, Yalom’s reluctance toward conflicts and his avoidance of administrative positions due to an unpleasant event from his childhood, the photo of his father’s shop, how Yalom encountered his future wife, the motorcycle ride in Paris, and the author’s first working experience.
I am writing these lines based on the advice of my maternal grandfather, who recommended about ten years ago that I write down a single-page summary of each book upon its completion to increase retention and benefit. Hence, I should not be too wordy. I remember the later chapters more clearly, especially from chapter XX, where I resumed reading at the start of this year. Out of the them, I will briefly mention a few resonating moments.
A recurring theme in Yalom’s psychology is empathy. I recall his childhood need to be told that he was good-looking, which would have drastically changed his self-image at the time and eased his early life. I therefore feel lucky and appreciate even more that, during my bachelor’s years at university, I had a friend who told me about good traits of mine that I was blind to see. Yalom’s encounter and complicated relationship with the difficult-tempered Viktor Frankl is another example of empathy, as he regrets not being more open-minded and more understanding toward another person.
To write books, Yalom often relocates and detaches himself from the bustle of daily activities to fully dedicate himself to writing. He seems to have realized how context switching emerging from daily responsibilities can hinder serious projects. That gives me a method and hope. In the author’s career, I also see a direction for mine: less teaching, more lecturing, and more writing.
In the later chapters, he talks about the difficulty of old age, emphasizing his weakened memory. In a few paragraphs, he then repeats some events that he had already discussed. I suspect that this is a deliberate decision, aimed at increasing the effect of the writing. As an experienced writer, the author perhaps knows a few such tricks.
I will conclude this extended short writing with one example that has remained stuck in my mind even after weeks. That story goes like this.
A girl wants to share her inner world with her difficult-tempered father in the car on their way back from school. Her father starts to rant about a littered, ugly creek he sees on the side of the road. She looks from the window; in her opinion, the creek is normal and even beautiful. She decides not to engage in conversation and shuts herself off from her father for the rest of his life.
Years after her father’s death, it happens that she has to drive her child along the same road. She looks from the window. To her shock, she realizes that there are two creeks on the road: the one seen from the driver’s window and the one seen from the passenger side.